


Falling

by LeftHeadphone



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Serum, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, attempted strangulation, falling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-14
Updated: 2014-06-14
Packaged: 2018-02-04 15:35:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1784266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeftHeadphone/pseuds/LeftHeadphone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a few minutes, Steve shifts and tilts Bucky's head so he can see his face. He finds his eyes closed and wishes he was asleep, but his breathing hasn't settled and Steve just knows. He knows Bucky's not asleep the same way he knows to let Bucky push him to the floor, the same way he knows when his friend has replaced his would-be assassin, the same way he knows the exact moment when Bucky's going to stop trying to hold himself together and just let himself fall. Because it's happened before.</p><p>And because it's happened before, he knows how to gather Bucky into his arms, how to bring him to their bathroom and set him in the bottom of the shower. He knows to leave Bucky's shirt and pajama bottoms on because the one time he took them off, when Bucky opened his eyes, the Winter Soldier took over so fast that Steve had no clue what was happening until he nearly got brained by the corner of the sink. </p><p>Steve always knows what to do when Bucky doesn't know himself. </p><p>(could be shippy, could be friendship, you decide)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falling

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of this http://gryzmoly.tumblr.com/post/87953497314/captain-america-bucky-waking-up-from-nightmares picture on Tumblr, by the amazing artist Gryz.

Steve doesn't know what time it is, only that it's still dark out, when he's woken up by the feeling that something is gripping his hand tight enough to nearly crush it. His eyes are automatically open and he's sitting up, scanning the bed for the threat, but all he finds is Bucky.

Bucky.

Bucky, with his eyes wide as saucers and his face paler than winter itself. It's his metal hand that's got Steve's in a vice grip. Steve doesn't do so much as breathe wrong as he crosses his legs and turns to his friend. He runs his free hand through Bucky's sweat-soaked hair, then up his metal arm.

"Bucky?" he asks softly. He keeps running his hand up and down his arm, keeps playing with his hair. "Bucky, it's me. C'mon, Buck, it's Steve."

Bucky blinks once, shudders, and his eyes fall closed. Steve removes his hand from his hair and stretches over Bucky's chest to squeeze Bucky's real shoulder, and that's when Bucky explodes. He jolts upright with an empty, haunted expression, launching himself at Steve with both hands reaching for his throat. Steve lets him push both of them over the edge of the bed, pin him to the floor and close one hand around his throat. He watches Bucky's face the entire time, waiting, with tears unnoticeably brewing behind his own eyes, for his friend to come back. He waits until he can see a light pass through his friend's eyes, until he can see the unclenching of his jaw, until he can feel that flesh and blood hand be reminded of its position, and then he can breathe because Bucky has remembered to do so as well.

When it happens, when it's Bucky looming over Steve instead of the Winter Soldier, Steve raised a hand to run it through Bucky's hair. Bucky instantly pulls back, retreats to the nearest corner with wide eyes and a shaking hand. Steve sits up slowly, not wanting to scare this already terrified creature. He doesn't even lift a hand to rub at his neck where both he and Bucky know a bruise will form by morning. He just sits there, arms by his sides, watching as Bucky's eyes glaze over. Steve wishes he could see what Bucky's seeing, wishes that this big strong body of his could help fight off the nightmares, but it can't. He can't. And that's why he wants to cry. Because he can only sit there and wait for Bucky to fall.

When he does, it seems to be in a slow motion. Sitting on his knees, his eyes focus and he starts to tip forward. The hardest part for Steve to watch is when his fists suddenly open, as though reaching to try and stop his fall any way his can. He doesn't stop himself though. Only Steve catches him. Steve crossed the distance between them in less than a second, fitting his shoulder under Bucky's head for something for him to lean on while he wraps his arm securely around Bucky's shoulder. His other hand takes Bucky's metal one, squeezing it tightly even though he's still not sure about whether or not he can feel it.

Then Bucky's hands find their way to Steve's chest, scratching at the bare skin that's usually covered by cloth. Tonight there's nothing to cling to, so he leaves ugly red lines until he finds purchase on Steve's shoulders. He grips onto them, nails biting into Steve's skin. Steve starts to rub his back.

"'m here, Buck, it's ok, 'm here."

Bucky's trembling and he presses his face into the crook of Steve's neck, wrapping his arms around Steve's shoulder. Steve can feel Bucky's tears on his skin, can feel his mouth open every once in a while as though he's trying to scream. Steve wishes he would.

It takes until daybreak for Bucky to go limp in Steve's arms. His tears stopped a few hours back, followed by the silent screams, then his arms around Steve's neck started to loosen and his body went from as solid as his metal arm to a Raggedy-Andy doll. Steve holds him closer, keeps rubbing his back and running his thumb over the metal hand.

After a few minutes, Steve shifts and tilts Bucky's head so he can see his face. He finds his eyes closed and wishes he was asleep, but his breathing hasn't settled and Steve just knows. He knows Bucky's not asleep the same way he knows to let Bucky push him to the floor, the same way he knows when his friend has replaced his would-be assassin, the same way he knows the exact moment when Bucky's going to stop trying to hold himself together and just let himself fall. Because it's happened before.

And because it's happened before, he knows how to gather Bucky into his arms, how to bring him to their bathroom and set him in the bottom of the shower. He knows to leave Bucky's shirt and pajama bottoms on because the one time he took them off, when Bucky opened his eyes, the Winter Soldier took over so fast that Steve had no clue what was happening until he nearly got brained by the corner of the sink. Now he knows to keep Bucky's clothes on.

He turns the water to warm, lets it spray down on his friend as he gets into the bottom of the shower with him. He kneels in front of him, pushing his hair out of his eyes and taking his flesh and blood hand in his. It takes longer than usual for Bucky to open his eyes again, but the second they do, they find Steve's, and Steve can see that Bucky is no longer falling.


End file.
